The Butt of an Asinine Series of Puns
by Evil Cosmic Triplets
Summary: Steve just wants to write up his report and go home after a rather long day. Danny can't resist the opportunity to bust his butt about their latest case. Warning: bad puns between best friends


**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters of this work of fiction and am not making any profit, monetary or otherwise, through the writing of this.

 **A/N:** Written in response to the prompt, butt, posted on dreamwidth's fan_flashworks. I am working on something a bit more serious, but apparently my mind had to do something silly first.

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Steve stretches and rubs at his eyes. He's been staring at the blinking cursor on his computer screen for the past ten minutes and the words he needs for his report are still refusing to come to him. It's been a long day, and he's ready to go home, but he needs to get this report done before he can do that. His backside is starting to ache.

"Steven," Danny calls to him from the doorway. "You finished your _ex-posterior_ report yet?"

Sighing, Steve turns to face his partner, scowling at him. "Not yet. I-"

"Let me guess," Danny interrupts. "You can't get a _handle_ on how to put what happened into words and you're falling _behind_?"

Narrowing his eyes at his partner's verbal barbs, Steve leans back in his chair and gives Danny a challenging look. "Something like that," he admits.

Danny laughs. "Well, you could always say something like, in _hindsight,_ I have learned -"

"Very funny," Steve cuts Danny off before he can get to the punchline, not that he's not already there with his hindsight pun.

Danny shrugs before he leans against the doorjamb. " _I_ thought so." His eyes are sparkling with ill-contained mirth. "You could always write something like, I really _ripped him a new one_."

Steve groans and opens his mouth to give Danny a piece of his mind, but Danny continues, oblivious, "Or, you could mention how quickly you got to the _bottom_ of the situation. Or, I know, how about mentioning how _asinine_ our perp was?"

"Very funny, Daniel," Steve says drily. "Your _breech_ of decorum is duly noted."

Danny grins like a shark and says, "You have to admit that, in _the end_ , the _bum_ really got what he deserved."

Steve rolls his eyes and turns back to the blinking cursor, ignoring the rest of Danny's rubs. At least his cursor doesn't mock his decision to shoot their perp, who'd been fleeing the scene of a robbery while wildly wielding a gun. It had been a matter of public safety, and a citizen had bumped into him at the last minute, making his aim a little (lot) less than accurate.

That his bullet had pierced the man's left butt cheek was immaterial. Steve had effectively defused the situation and no one, other than the man who'd fled the scene of the crime, had been harmed.

In Steve's books, that was a win-win situation and he shouldn't be the butt of anyone's, let alone Danny's, cockamamie wisecracks. If anything, it was the jackass who'd decided that it would be a good idea to run through a crowded sidewalk with Five-0 at his backside, who deserved to be the target of Danny's jibes.

Shaking his head, Steve straightens his back, and, goaded on by Danny's one-liners, and his desire to put an end to a very trying day, he types up his report. Only one of Danny's ludicrous puns ends up in the report he sends off to the governor, and Steve supposes that it could be worse.

"Want to come over for steak and beer?" Steve asks once he's shut his computer down. It's been awhile since he's invited anyone over to his place and he could use some company, even if that company is still making cracks at his expense.

Danny's still standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest as he graces Steve with a lighthearted smile. It's been a long time since he's seen Danny look so happy and carefree that suddenly, Steve doesn't mind bearing the brunt of Danny's jokes. Nodding, Danny pushes off of the doorjamb and Steve can feel some of the day's tension ebb away as he follows Danny out of the office.

"I parked in the _rear_ lot today," Steve says, smiling at Danny's bark of laughter.

"Premonition?" Danny asks. "Here I thought you were operating with _hindsight_ today."

"Laugh it up," Steve says, groaning.

"Are you disparaging the quality of my witty repartee?" Danny asks, raising an eyebrow in challenge when Steve casts him a sidelong glance.

"How does bottom round steak sound?" Steve asks, feeling the stress of the day fade away even more.

Danny laughs, and they settle into an easy banter as they reach their vehicles. For the first time in a long time, Steve's looking forward to spending an evening at home in the company of a good friend.


End file.
